I will not fail. It was always like this for me, 50/50, in a tip of the moment, balancing, like a thrown coin, making me shiver with fear and excitement. I love it like this - in the last moment, always BY CHANCE, with a taste of blood from bitten lips, with a burned smell of victory, with a mad laughter from a work well done. It was never perfect, it was never DECIDED. I always had a chance to fall, of course, with such ghostly and unstable construction of life. I was always victorious though. Almost. This time is no different, and I am keep telling myself to stop, to unmake this chain of chaos, this unspeakable blur of events, shouts and misunderstandings. I know what I will not. Not now, not ever. This is bad, no matter how you put it, this is bad and this is unhealthy, but this is the way I am, and this is the way I will always be. Maybe until I fail so miserably, that this image will be broken. Maybe. Until then... I may as well enjoy the ride. And thus defy the tyrannous stars.